then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
