I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
