Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
