So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
