I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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