If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
