Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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