her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
