Pregnant stripper...not hot.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
