Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
