Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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