Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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