you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I love you. Go after that dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
