it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
