He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
