if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize