sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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