So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
