the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize