Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
