Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Who died my cat blue again?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
