I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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