How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
