no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
