Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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