She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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