no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
