it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
