my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Randomize