the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize