Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
