; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
