You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
