For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
