haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize