I cannot find my penis.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
