I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
