Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
