forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
