when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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