apparently the secret to your success is patron
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
