I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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