what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize