jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
