I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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