BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
