i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
