On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?