Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
