Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
