oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
