i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
