is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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