Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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