hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
