he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
