Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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