oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
