We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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