she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
