i already hear my dad disowning me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
