that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
