that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
