it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he just fucked me for my cheese..