Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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