how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
