So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
