Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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