i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
