They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
