Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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