the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
