Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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