I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
