my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need help removing her.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
