i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
