He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
