cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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