one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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